since these past 3 years in bombay ive been trying to find me...i never really did...but then doesnt that always happen...just when u think u have everything figured...it all changes...for the good...but not always..so is the life of wilsonians.
i was bitter about this college and all that goes on inside it. im more at peace with it now.
in fact i might even say i like college. i like going there in the rain, enter the classroom look at pleasant faces and pass a few smile which i truly mean. i dont fake it anymore like i would have in the first year just to make a few friends. i made a few beautiful friends, lost a few dear friends and maintained cordial relationships with the rest of them. but no one was as dear or close to me like i would have wished coming from a boarding school where my friends were my family. seperation was painful.but like everything else, i got over it.
i dont know if it is right to say i grew up over the past two years because there is still so much i have to learn and every day i feel i learn new things a grow a little more.
i moved out of my old place where i lived with room mates into a cute single bachelorette pad. i had to take care of myself and it was predictably not so tough since i had grown up at a boarding where we took care of ourselves most ,if not all the time. I grew up through that.
I faced difficulties, lost dear friends over petty misunderstandings and small issues which, when I look back now, I could have avoided but does an egoist ever step over her own pride to make someone stay? No. Not even a loved one..or a few loved ones.
I was never going to bend my rules and values to accommodate someone elses doubts and I have never wanted people who hate me still loitering in my life and creating more mess for me and my mind..
but anyways, second year was about to start, I was interning at the Times of India for the Economic Times' marketing team and met this lost, hurt, confused and SELF OBSESSED girl who was being publically hated and demonstrated against. What a pity, I thought and extended a hand of friendship. Second year flew by and there I was, happier than ever but failing in subjects I had never imagined. I had also made a few friends over a casual smoke and had grown to love them. A Sugar cube and a stubborn baby girl. These 3 girls were my life. All I woke up to and went calmy to sleep thinking of.
Sadhvi, Karishma and Dazy. these girls were my life and still, make up for quite a bit of it.
And then life never looked back. It kicked up from there and kept kicking ass.
i was bitter about this college and all that goes on inside it. im more at peace with it now.
in fact i might even say i like college. i like going there in the rain, enter the classroom look at pleasant faces and pass a few smile which i truly mean. i dont fake it anymore like i would have in the first year just to make a few friends. i made a few beautiful friends, lost a few dear friends and maintained cordial relationships with the rest of them. but no one was as dear or close to me like i would have wished coming from a boarding school where my friends were my family. seperation was painful.but like everything else, i got over it.
i dont know if it is right to say i grew up over the past two years because there is still so much i have to learn and every day i feel i learn new things a grow a little more.
i moved out of my old place where i lived with room mates into a cute single bachelorette pad. i had to take care of myself and it was predictably not so tough since i had grown up at a boarding where we took care of ourselves most ,if not all the time. I grew up through that.
I faced difficulties, lost dear friends over petty misunderstandings and small issues which, when I look back now, I could have avoided but does an egoist ever step over her own pride to make someone stay? No. Not even a loved one..or a few loved ones.
I was never going to bend my rules and values to accommodate someone elses doubts and I have never wanted people who hate me still loitering in my life and creating more mess for me and my mind..
but anyways, second year was about to start, I was interning at the Times of India for the Economic Times' marketing team and met this lost, hurt, confused and SELF OBSESSED girl who was being publically hated and demonstrated against. What a pity, I thought and extended a hand of friendship. Second year flew by and there I was, happier than ever but failing in subjects I had never imagined. I had also made a few friends over a casual smoke and had grown to love them. A Sugar cube and a stubborn baby girl. These 3 girls were my life. All I woke up to and went calmy to sleep thinking of.
Sadhvi, Karishma and Dazy. these girls were my life and still, make up for quite a bit of it.
And then life never looked back. It kicked up from there and kept kicking ass.
Me. The ideal girl i would want myself to be by the end of college and where I am, at the dusk of college life.
More serious about education than ever, and more focussed than I had ever imagined, I surprised myself at the onset of our final year in college. Seriousness and a sudden sense of emergency rushing through my spine about my future and what lay ahead. Especially when it all depended only on me. I had no one to blame anymore and that felt like I had been stripped off my comfort zone. My father asked me repeatedly about my future plans and I had no answer.
This shocked me!
I had no clue where me life was going?
The little dreamy eyed girl who landed in mumbai back in 2008 with hopes and aspirations, ready to take on the world had lost herself in the city of dreams and had been woken up from her hibernation after 2 long, well not exactly long years and had been thrown into a mesh of expectations and hopes from parents and a certain invisible thing called SELF.
I started discovering me over meditation and yoga and found that all pleasures were not in pleasing others but in pleasing SELF because if you did not satisfy others, it would not bother you much but if you did not satisfy yourself, it will just create another sensation I dont have a proper phrase for and will not let you sleep at night! Like tonight! I think rather than venting out on others like I learned to do in the past one year, writing it out on a blog serves the same purpose.
I'm happy that I made such beautiful friends but im going to be content only when I find that something which gets me going like nothing does. Which makes me feel complete. Satisfied with my life and the way it is going. I would want to learn more and more about the things that interest me and a little about things which dont but are important. A little more love and joy and a tinge of seriousness towards my future. Exploring into what I really want. Filmmaking? Could it be? Without one successful movie in the past 2 years or advertising? Without even a single impressive idea or out of the normal parameters of thinking.
I want to spread my wings and take flight over the world and see whats going on at what place and grasp it all and just be aware of stuff. Stuff I have no idea of right now!
Anyways...my kinda girl is someone who knows exactly what she is doing, where she is going and what is gonna happen over the next year in her life while the girl that I am has absolutely no idea about what is happening tomorrow. So lets hope I find me and make her the me I wanna be... get it?
Hope you did. Anyway. Gotta get some sleep now. Tata!
More serious about education than ever, and more focussed than I had ever imagined, I surprised myself at the onset of our final year in college. Seriousness and a sudden sense of emergency rushing through my spine about my future and what lay ahead. Especially when it all depended only on me. I had no one to blame anymore and that felt like I had been stripped off my comfort zone. My father asked me repeatedly about my future plans and I had no answer.
This shocked me!
I had no clue where me life was going?
The little dreamy eyed girl who landed in mumbai back in 2008 with hopes and aspirations, ready to take on the world had lost herself in the city of dreams and had been woken up from her hibernation after 2 long, well not exactly long years and had been thrown into a mesh of expectations and hopes from parents and a certain invisible thing called SELF.
I started discovering me over meditation and yoga and found that all pleasures were not in pleasing others but in pleasing SELF because if you did not satisfy others, it would not bother you much but if you did not satisfy yourself, it will just create another sensation I dont have a proper phrase for and will not let you sleep at night! Like tonight! I think rather than venting out on others like I learned to do in the past one year, writing it out on a blog serves the same purpose.
I'm happy that I made such beautiful friends but im going to be content only when I find that something which gets me going like nothing does. Which makes me feel complete. Satisfied with my life and the way it is going. I would want to learn more and more about the things that interest me and a little about things which dont but are important. A little more love and joy and a tinge of seriousness towards my future. Exploring into what I really want. Filmmaking? Could it be? Without one successful movie in the past 2 years or advertising? Without even a single impressive idea or out of the normal parameters of thinking.
I want to spread my wings and take flight over the world and see whats going on at what place and grasp it all and just be aware of stuff. Stuff I have no idea of right now!
Anyways...my kinda girl is someone who knows exactly what she is doing, where she is going and what is gonna happen over the next year in her life while the girl that I am has absolutely no idea about what is happening tomorrow. So lets hope I find me and make her the me I wanna be... get it?
Hope you did. Anyway. Gotta get some sleep now. Tata!
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